The Talk
by 300PASTA
Summary: Damian has a crush. Dick realizes no one has given him "The Talk" yet.


**Hello, everyone! This story is basically a "what if Damian didn't know what sex was" idea. I had fun writing it!**

 **Also, this story has mentions of the practically dead pairing SpeedDemon which is Irey WestxDamian Wayne. If you don't ship it, that's fine because it won't be a big part of this story. I just wanted to warn you all first.**

 **WARNING: Brief mentions of male and female anatomy … and Jason.**

 **Rated T (but leaning more towards M)**

* * *

It started when Alfred brought Damian home from Gotham Academy one fine afternoon.

Dick had been visiting Gotham for a few days just to check in and see how things were doing. Tim was visiting from the Titans and it just so happened that Jason was in town too. Over the course of Dick's stay, the second Robin had been stopping by the manor every few hours. Coincidently, Bruce hadn't been home for any of those visits.

Anyway, when Alfred opened the manor doors and Damian came stomping in, his backpack handles clenched between his fists, Dick couldn't help but be curious.

As the youngest Robin marched up the stairs and slammed his bedroom door shut, Dick asked the elderly butler, "What's up with him?"

Alfred sighed tiredly. "On the way to the car after school today, Master Damian was attacked by a hoard of girls."

Dick blinked. "Really?" Well, it _was_ Valentine's Day. "Huh. I didn't think the squirt had it in him to attract the opposite sex, you know, given his … personality."

The British man huffed. "He is his father's son after all."

Dick laughed. "That's true. So … Does that mean he doesn't like the attention or something? That's gotta be why he's so angry."

A small smile tugged on Alfred's lips. Dick knew that look. It was his, "I know something you don't, but I won't tell you," look. "Why, Master Dick, I'm not entirely sure what he's thinking. Maybe you should ask him." And the butler made a smooth exit.

The oldest Robin shook his head at Alfred's antics. The man had a point. Damian might open up if he just asked. Maybe. Probably not. But if Damian was having trouble with girls, Dick wouldn't mind helping him.

The little assassin wasn't the only one who inherited Bruce's women-catching charms.

With those thoughts in mind, Dick asked Damian if he wanted to patrol with him after he finished his homework. Not surprisingly, the youngest Wayne agreed. During patrol, Dick planned to ask him how he was feeling, and if he was having any problems at school … particularly with girls. Yeah, that's what he'd do.

However, before they went out, Nightwing and Robin were stalled by an unexpected visit.

Two speedsters zoomed into the Batcave. One was around Dick's height and the other running not too far behind seemed only slightly shorter than Robin.

"Yo!" exclaimed Wally West, one of the current Flashes. "What's up Dick?"

"Nothing much," Dick replied with a smile. He was always happy to see an old friend. "Why are you here?"

Wally shrugged, good naturedly. "We were in the area, and I remember you saying you were going to visit Gotham, so we came to say hi. Plus, Irey wanted to see Damian." There was a small hint of disapproval in his voice, but Dick shrugged it off.

The newest Impulse, Irey West, Wally's daughter, spotted an annoyed Robin standing only a few feet away from Nightwing with his arms crossed. In seconds, the young speedster had tackled Damian to the floor. "DAMI!" she exclaimed, giggling in delight.

Dick could hardly contain a smile. The scene was so adorable. Damian wasn't fond of human contact, nor was he fond of relations other than those of his father and Dick. But over the course of his years as Robin, the boy began to change ever so slightly. And seeing him being hugged by a friend without trying to kill said hugger, made Dick extremely proud.

Of course, even if Damian hadn't tried to kill Irey yet, he was still pissed off.

"West," he growled, his eyes glaring directly into Irey's gleaming green ones. "Why must you insist on jumping me every time we meet?"

His annoyance didn't affect the youngest speedster. Irey responded with a wide grin that left Robin speechless. His expression of anger slowly morphed into something different. His eyes went wide and his cheeks turned almost the same color as his suit. The young Robin took in a strained breath before suddenly turning over from underneath her and pushing up onto his feet, causing Irey to fall back flat on her butt. Her eyes blinked up at him owlishly.

At a pace that could rival Flash's, Robin ran up the stairs, shouting, "Call me back down when those two are gone, Grayson!"

Dick had seen it.

It wasn't exactly hard to. Robin had retreated- ran away- from Irey West. His face was crimson all over. Damian Wayne had been _embarrassed_.

Dick knew.

How could he not have seen it before? All those times Damian would clamp up and turn away whenever the youngest speedster was mentioned. All those times Damian's proud voice would stutter when she gazed up at him. All those actions that had been so out of character when in her presence. Of course, _this_ was the reason why.

Damian Wayne had a crush.

Wally threw Dick a look, one that, even after all those years of knowing him, Dick had a hard time deciphering. Had he noticed it too?

Irey only silently gazed at Robin's retreating figure. After a moment, Dick turned to give her an apology, but the young speedster instantly brightened up. "That's Dami for ya! Always so weird …" she laughed.

Dick could tell she was faking it a bit. Damian's rude departure affected her, but he decided not to ask. It wasn't his place to pry into her feelings.

But it _was_ his place to pry into _Damian's_ feelings.

And the newest Boy Wonder clearly had a crush on the newest speedster. Dick was happy for him. It was only two years ago that his little Dami was an unfeeling, psycho assassin child who was hell bent on destroying and/or severely harming all Robins before him. And now, he liked somebody!

And not just _anybody_ either: A speedster, an energetic and wonderful girl, AND the daughter of Dick's best friend (Although Wally might not approve … He would have to talk to him later).

His delight of this newfound information lasted through the speedsters' visit and even through patrol. Damian got a little curious when he witnessed Nightwing knock a thief unconscious while humming Can You Feel the Love Tonight (and _yes_ , he had seen Lion King). And even Alfred became worried when he witnessed Dick watching Beauty and the Beast all by himself in the living room (Dick had somehow seen connections between the Beast and Damian, and pictured Irey as the beautiful Belle).

It wasn't long until Tim and Jason took notice of their older brother's strange and airy behavior. The first Robin was always smiling ad humming love songs and watching romantic movies with male leads that held some resemblance to their youngest Boy Wonder in both attitude and looks.

Two nights later, both Tim and Jason sat Dick down to talk about it.

"Okay," Tim began, a concerned look on his face. "Dick, we're a little worried about you. Is there something going on?"

Dick blinked. "Huh?"

"It's just … you've been acting a little … strange."

Jason scoffed. "A little? What do you mean _a little_? He's going crazy! Are we sure this is even the real Grayson? Heck for all we know, this is an alien … or maybe he got turned into a girl while none of us were looking."

Dick blinked once more. "Jason, you're being ridiculous. Nothing's wrong with me."

"Are you sure?" Tim asked.

"Yes, I'm fine."

Jason's eyes narrowed at him. "Yeah, uh-huh. Sure. Whatever you say. But just tell me one more thing."

Dick raised an eyebrow.

"You … You don't have the hots for the little demon, do you?"

Dick stared. "… What…?"

"I said-"

"I _know_ what you said, Jason! Why would you even- That's _**disgusting**_!" the oldest Robin cried.

" _You_ think it's disgusting?! How do you think _I_ feel?!" Jason shouted back.

Tim shivered. "That statement sounded so wrong …"

"Why would you even think that?!" Dick questioned in horror.

Jason huffed. "You've been watching romance movies with characters _just_ like the little demon! You keep grinning like an idiot every time he walks by! Don't think we haven't noticed!"

"Not to mention, whenever he's in the room you start singing a love song," Tim added. "It's getting creepy, Dick."

Dick groaned in frustration. "No, no! Guys! I'm only acting like that because I'm extremely happy for him!"

"… Happy for him?" the two former Robins repeated in unison.

"Yes!"

"Uh … why?" Tim asked.

Dick grinned and his eyes gleamed with excitement. "Damian has a crush!"

The two other males stared wide eyed.

"The little demon?!" Jason cried in disbelief.

"Who's the unfortunate girl?" Tim questioned immediately.

Dick frowned. "Tim, that's rude. And the girl is Irey."

"… Irey as in … Impulse?"

"Yep."

The two boys gaped. Snapping himself out of shock, Tim said, "Someone has to warn Wally. His daughter is in danger!"

"Tim," Dick scolded. "Irey is not in danger. Damian _really_ likes her."

"I know."

"And if he likes her, he won't hurt her," Dick assured him. "There's nothing to worry about."

"Nothing? You're not scared he might accidently kill her?"

"Kill her? Tim, he's gotten better."

"I know, I know. But … what if he gets upset if she doesn't like him back?"

"That won't be a problem."

"… Are you saying that she _does_ like him back?"

"Maybe. I'm not entirely sure."

"I can't believe it."

"Um, guys," Jason finally butted in. Both Tim and Dick looked his way. "While you two seem to be worried about him killing her, I'm more concerned with another problem."

Dick cocked an eyebrow. "And that would be …?"

"Well, the brat's going through puberty and he has a crush on a girl. Keeping all of that in mind, has anyone other than me wondered if he's been given "the Talk" yet?"

The room went silent.

Sure, Damian was a mature twelve year old boy, but he'd been trained as an assassin since he could walk and was taught how to the rule the world with his grandfather. It was doubtful anyone had given him "the talk" in between his other world dominating lessons.

"That poor little girl …" broke the silence.

"Tim!" Dick scolded again.

"I get what he means though," Jason said. "What if he ends up having unprotected sex with her? Then we'll be tortured with even more little demons."

"Jason, they're only twelve."

"… It'll happen."

"JASON!"

Jason put up his arms in a surrendering motion. "Hey! If you want to keep little Irey from having her virginity stolen by the demon, you gotta tell him that he can't go putting his little wiener inside her!"

"At least, not until they're both of consent," said Tim. "And if one of them is wearing a condom."

Dick facepalmed. "Guys, I doubt Damian even knows what a condom is."

"Heh. Like his parents," Jason chimed in.

Dick ignored him. "Heck, I'm pretty sure he doesn't know what sex is!"

"Well, then you better tell him before he does it by accident," the second Robin warned.

"For once, I agree with Jason," said Tim.

Dick only sighed. They both had a point.

So the next day, the former acrobat took Damian into the Batcave and sat him down on a stool, hoping to get "the talk" over with. What he hadn't been expecting (and maybe he should have been) was the arrival of Tim and Jason.

"What are those two doing here?" Damian questioned in disdain.

"That's what _I_ would like to know." Dick's eyes narrowed.

Jason waved a hand. "Don't mind us. Please, continue. If you hear a ding, that'll be our popcorn, so pay no mind."

Of course they just wanted to witness the awkward conversation.

Dick sighed at their obviousness but turned back to Damian despite his annoyance. "Damian," he began slowly, "there are some things we need to discuss."

" _Yes_ , I could _tell_ , Grayson," the younger boy muttered.

"Yeah, well," Dick cleared his throat. "Okay, you know how you're getting older? Well, uh, that means that right now you're going through puberty and-"

"I'm going through puberty?" Damian cut in unexpectedly.

Dick blinked. "Yes …" he slowly responded, confused by the boy's sudden reaction.

All of a sudden, Damian stood up. "Mother told me of this."

"Uh, Dami …?" said Dick.

The newest Robin stared. "It is time."

"… Time for what?"

Damian scrunched up his nose at Dick's question. "Mother told me, that by the time I hit puberty, I must look for a suitable female to bare my child so that one day they can carry on my work."

The Batcave went silent. That is, except for Jason's abrupt laughter. All Dick could do was stare at the boy in front of him. Luckily, Tim found his voice, "Um … _What_?"

Damian scowled. "I am _not_ repeating myself for you, Drake."

"You don't have to," muttered Tim. "It's just … you're _twelve_."

"And?"

"You're too young to have sex."

"… Sex?"

Tim's eyes widened. The demon really _didn't_ know what it was! "Yeah, sex. It's …" he jabbed the first Boy Wonder in the arm. "Take it away Dick."

Dick struggled to close his gaping mouth. "Uh, right. Sex is, um, something you do with someone who is, um, very special to you."

"Special?"

"Yeah. For example, a wife or a girlfriend, or … yeah," he explained awkwardly.

Damian raised an eyebrow. "What does this "sex" have to do with baring a child?"

Before Dick could answer, Jason butted in, "Ugh, Golden Boy isn't explaining it right. If you want someone to bare your child, you have to have sex with them."

Damian nodded. "And what does "sex" entail, exactly?"

Jason scratched his head. "Well, uh, first you take your dick."

Damian looked over at Dick.

"Not _him_. Your penis."

Damian turned away from Dick.

"So you take your penis and well," Jason paused. "Okay, so a girl has something called a vagina. It's located where a guy's penis would be. So you take your penis and you shove it into a girl's vagina."

Now Damian looked horrified.

"Wait, wait! It's not as bad as it sounds!"

"JASON!" Both Tim and Dick shouted.

"Brat, listen. You'll like it someday. Honest. It'll feel like the best thing in your life! I promise!"

Damian stared. "… I pee through that though."

"True … But if the girl you hook up with puts it in her mouth-"

" _OKAY_! That's enough of _that_!" Dick exclaimed. "Listen Dami, while what Jason said is sadly true, ultimately, sex is an intimate moment that should be shared with someone you love."

"And only when you're past sixteen years old," Tim added.

Damian froze. "It _has_ to be with someone I love?"

Dick sweatdropped. "That would be best for everyone."

Then the newest Robin frowned. "This is ridiculous. I don't _love_ anyone! And I need to look for someone suitable _now_!"

"But you already have someone," Dick couldn't help but say.

"What in the world are you talking about, Grayson?"

Dick hesitated, wondering if it was a good idea to reveal what he knew. "Damian, you have Irey."

At that, the young Robin went silent. When he turned away, the three former Robins shared a look, not knowing whether or not he was upset. Finally, Damian muttered, "I don't love _West_."

Dick paused. "Well, you like her don't you? That is to say, you enjoy her company, right?"

Damian refused to turn back around. "No."

"You love it when she's happy, don't you?"

"… No."

"Do you think she's pretty?"

"No."

"Does being near her make you feel good inside?"

" _No_."

"Do you have a desire to be near her _at all_?"

" _No_ , Grayson."

Jason scoffed. "The little demon's lying," he sang.

Damian finally turned around and glared daggers at him. "No I am not, Todd."

The second Robin crossed his arms over his chest. "Oh yeah? Then why is your face so red?"

Damian's eyes widened.

"Uh-oh," spoke Tim. "He's blushing~."

Dick laughed. "I told you guys he liked Irey."

"Who knows? Maybe if he plays his cards right, she _will_ want to bare his children," Jason suggested.

"Only when they're older," Dick warned.

"Well, duh."

"I can be the wedding planner."

"Oh, Tim, really?!"

"Why not? If it's for Irey, I wouldn't mind …"

"Wait … Do you think her Freckled Father would allow her to marry the little demon?"

"Oh! A Romeo and Juliet story!"

"Ha! Some Romeo …"

"Don't be rude Jason."

"Hold on, what do you think Bruce would say?"

"He'd be happy … right?"

"Well, if he approves that means he's going to be related to the speedster family."

"But Bruce and Barry are close. And I don't think he hates Wally."

"Hmm, maybe. I actually forgot about Barry. He might disapprove since he's known us Bats longer and is fully aware of what we're capable of."

"You make it sound like we're _all_ psycho assassins."

"You might as well be, Jason."

"Shut it, Replacement!"

"Guys, guys, not now. But yeah, Barry might be a problem."

"Who cares what he thinks? He's technically just the Gruncle."

"Gruncle?"

"Great Uncle. Basically the Grandpa."

"Well, if Ra's were here, he'd definitely have something to say about it."

"Talia would to. But let's all agree not to tell her."

"Um, hey. Where'd the little demon go?"

While the three former Robins had been discussing the marriage of the new Impulse and Robin, said Robin had ran upstairs to the Wayne Manor. On his way up to his bedroom however, he was stopped by the Batfamily Butler.

"Master Damian, you seem distressed. Whatever for?" Alfred questioned.

Damian paused, his ascent up the stairs. "Not now, Pennyworth."

"If you don't tell me, I'll have to alert your father of your strange behavior."

"There's no need for that!" Damian exclaimed, spinning on his heels to face the old man. With a clear view of his face, Alfred could finally see the red blush gracing his puffed out cheeks.

"Then, why don't you tell me what is wrong," said the butler, smoothly.

Damian hesitated before speaking. As reluctant as he was to admit it, Pennyworth was a trustworthy person. Surely he could relay his discomfort to the man. "Grayson, Todd, and Drake decided to tell me what sex was."

Alfred's eyes went wide. "Oh, dear …"

"When they described it to me, Todd said it would feel like the best thing in my life."

"Oh my."

"… And that in order to do it, I had to take my dick- not Grayson- and shove it into a female's, uh, v-vagina."

"Oh _my_!" Alfred said in horror.

"And then," Damian grit his teeth. "They accused me of being in love with _West_."

Alfred blinked. "Miss … Irey West?"

" _Yes_ , Pennyworth."

"And, is it true Master Damian?"

"Of course it's not true! I love no one!"

Alfred's eyebrows furrowed. "Not even your father?"

Damian's intense gaze faltered. "I …" A conflicted expression came over his face.

Alfred sighed and walked over to the boy's side. "Despite what you may have learned under the tutelage of your grandfather, love is not a weakness. Love is the very driving force of Master Bruce every single night." Damian gazed up at the butler as he continued, "Your father's love for you and the others is what keeps him going. Without you or the other boys, I fear he might break down or end up getting himself killed." Alfred then smiled at the thoughtful look on Damian's face. "Remember this, young master: Love makes you strong."

Slowly, the boy nodded. "I will, Pennyworth."

"Good. Now run along. I'll call you down when dinner is ready."

"Yes, Pennyworth."

Once Damian was out of sight, Alfred trudged down into the Batcave to give the older boys a piece of his mind. When he got down there, the former Robins were all arguing.

"See! You scared him away!" Dick shouted.

" _I_ scared him away?!" Jason scowled.

"You were the one who tried getting into graphic details about sex!"

"Well, of course I did! That's what you're supposed to do when you give "the talk", so that when they actually do have sex, they know what the fuck they're doing!"

Tim nodded slowly. "While that may be true, you were a bit insensitive about it."

"I was _insensitive_?! I was basically saying the same thing that Bruce said to me!"

"Okay, okay. Calm down Jason-"

"Don't tell me what to do Replace-"

"That is ENOUGH!" Alfred yelled at the top of his aged lungs. His commanding voice bounced off of the cave's walls and all three boys shivered. They turned to meet his scrutinizing gaze and sweatdropped.

"I just had a talk with Master Damian," Alfred began. "He told me all about your conversation with him."

"We're sorry Alfred!" Dick cried. "We didn't mean to make him feel uncomfortable and terrible!"

Alfred raised an unimpressed eyebrow. "And yet, that is exactly what you managed to do." Dick shrank back. "Now, I know he may not like it, but Master Damian needs to have "the talk" _properly_. So I want the three of you to march right on up to his bedroom and explain what sex is _correctly_."

The three boys stood there and nodded.

" _Now_."

The former Robins raced back into the manor in terror.

"And boys, dinner will be ready shortly so make it brief."

* * *

Damian's head perked up at the sound of his door busting open. "Who dare-"

"Dami! We are _so_ sorry!" Dick told him.

"… We didn't mean to freak you out," said Tim.

"Yeah, uh, sorry kid." Jason's apology came out awkward.

Damian huffed. "I was not freaked out. I … just deemed the conversation ridiculous and left."

"No," Dick murmured. "Damian, listen, we went about it all wrong. I was only trying to get you to admit you have feelings for Irey." Damian opened his mouth to speak but Dick shushed him. "Don't tell me it's not true because I have seen the way you are around her. But, I should have known better than to spring all this love and sex stuff on you the way I did. And for that, I'm sorry." He elbowed Jason.

"Ow …" Jason whined. "I'm, uh, sorry too for not being sensitive when I was describing sex to you."

Dick nodded approvingly before elbowing Tim next.

Tim sighed. "And I'm sorry for planning your wedding before you even asked her to marry you."

Damian stared up at his older brothers with an unreadable expression. A minute later, he responded. "As long as you understand what you have done wrong …"

Both Tim and Jason rolled their eyes while Dick grinned from ear to ear. "Don't worry Dami! We've admitted to our mistakes and this time we'll do it right!"

Damian blinked. "This time …?"

"Yep. You might want to get comfortable because we're going to explain sex to you the _right_ way!"

Damian's face immediately paled.

* * *

It had been a long day of work for Bruce Wayne. He was beyond happy when he finally returned to the manor and he hoped to get some long awaited rest before going out on patrol.

"Hello, Alfred," he greeted when entering the house.

"Welcome home Master Bruce," the older man replied.

It was then that Damian walked by without a word. Not knowing whether the child had seen him or not, Bruce called out to him. "Damian, I'm home."

The little boy halted in his steps and looked up at his father. After a moment of staring, his face contorted into one of disgust, before he finally walked away.

Bruce raised an eyebrow at the unexpected behavior. "What was _that_ all about?"

Alfred coughed into his fist. "It would appear that Young Masters Dick, Tim, and Jason explained to him what sex was … and your own endeavors may have been mentioned."

The billionaire gaped before narrowing his eyes in anger.

"BOYS!"

Fortunately for them, Dick, Tim, and Jason had already retreated from the manor.

* * *

 **I hope you all enjoyed it. This was my first ever one-shot and I am happy it wa** **s about my favorite superhero family.**


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